The Feeling
by xAutumnRainx
Summary: When alone, we usually think about happiness. But what is happiness? It may be just a smile, a look, or sometimes a small fight that we only learn to cherish after losing each other. A little AU and maybe a little OOC.


**~ the Feeling ~**

_**Author:**_** tlrc  
><strong>_**Translator:**_** AutumnRain  
><strong>_**Disclaimer: We (aka my friend tlrc and I) don't own anything. The characters belong to Square Enix.**_

_**xXx**_

_"After losing Serah and being turned into a l'cie... I've lost hope. I could only fight the Sanctum and move forrward without purpose. But bringing down Sanctum meant nothing to me. It was just a hopeless fight."_

_"What about Serah?"_

_"!"_

_"No reason to live? What are you talking about? Don't you want to see her again? You have to believe and hope that Serah will be saved. You must survive and fight for that. That's all."_

_"... I see."_

"Fang..." Lightning looks up at the sky, "Serah is back safely and now lives happily with Snow. She's grown up and doesn't need my protection anymore...

Who do I live for now? And for what? What should I have faith in?...

... Fang... Please tell me...

... I wish you were here..." Lightning closes her eyes and lets out a sigh. There seems to be little dew drops on her lashes.

The wind is like little fairies dancing throuh Lightning's hair, lifts up the bangs that are hiding her furrowed brows. Her shadow on the singing grass makes Lightning looks even more vulnerable and lonely in the dusk.

Since the time she understood that she wouldn't, couldn't, be held in her parents' embrace anymore because they'd left her forever, she'd decided to ignore the pain, put away her childhood and weakness, and forget about the happy time spent with her family like any other kids. She'd had to leave all of them behind so that she could be stronger for Serah and find a way to support them both. She'd became an orphan without anyone to depend on, and she was ready to take on a harsh life, but her little baby sister was not. Serah had to live a good life, had to study and be happy like kids her age. She needed to be stronger, more mature and tougher to protect her only family in the world, her only sister.

_"Serah... I'll always be there for you and protect you... forever!"_

But now, she is all alone... Lightning... it flashes bright, then fades away.

Lightning usually comes here after work to watch the sunset. Aside from work, she doesn't have anything to do in a house without Serah's laughter. Her sister is a grown up woman now; she's got married and already moved out, leaving her alone by herself. The once small house has somehow become bigger and emptier.

She can stand here for hours until the last sun rays disappeared, replaced by a dark sky with millions of sparkling twinkle stars. It's not important whether she goes home or not, it'll just be a boring routine of unhealthy dinner, then sleep, and then work again tomorrow. Immerged in work is a way for her to forget about the emptiness inside her chest.

**xXx  
><strong>  
>A year ago...<p>

"Congrats, Serah," Lightning smiled and leaned down to whisper at her sister, who was beaming of joy, before gave Serah's hand to Snow, who was about to and would be her new family member.

"Serah Farron, do you take Snow Villiers for your husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"I do."

"Snow Villiers, do you take Serah Farron for your husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"I do."

"And now, I announce you husband and wife."

The groom kissed his bride in the cheers of all the guests in the church. Bells were ringing just like a happy word for the newlyweds, but the sound shattered Lightning's heart.

**xXx  
><strong>  
>Lightning waved with a smile as she looked on after the disappearing car. Serah had found her happiness... As long as Serah was smiling, she would be okay. Because Serah is everything to her. She could do anything for Serah. But her mission was accomplished now, her job as a guardian has ended... The car has not only left but also took her sister away from her to build a new happy home.<p>

Lightning shivered. She just acknowledged a feeling that she never thought of, didn't dare to think of...

Loneliness...

What was happiness to her?

Lightning slowly walked home. She hesitated to go back to a house without Serah, no warm eyes and smiles waiting for her, no chiding whenever she came home late without calling, no special made food, no small footsteps when there were thunderstorms, no gentle hug whenever she was frustrated... no one there for her to protect... no nothing...

Tears suddenly rolled on her cheeks, making her heart fell hollow.

**xXx  
><strong>  
>"Good work, Lieutenant. You're definitely gonna do this better than I do," Amodar praised and clapped Lightning on her shoulder, his eyes filled with pride of a father for a daughter.<p>

"..." Lightning only nodded. Her hard work has finally paid off, she got promoted, but it meant little to her.

"But your job here is done for the day," Amodar studied her, "go home and throw a party with your family. They'll be thrilled to hear of your promotion. Say 'hi' to Serah for me."

He saw her nodded again but her eyes showed nothing, and she still hasn't spoken a word. The slender girl in front of him, his pride, has lost the fire that once filled her eyes. Amodar surpressed a sigh, he mildly shook his head and patted her shoulder before she saluted him and turned around to walk away.

**xXx  
><strong>  
>Lightning set her Blazefire on the table, she tiredly threw herself on the couch in the living room. She didn't even bother to turn on the lights because she was so familiar with the furniture in the house that she could lead her way around with her eyes closed.<p>

"Light? You're back?" A shy voice startled Lightning, made her eyes shot open and sit right up.

The lights were suddenlt turned on.

Lightning has forgotten about a guest currently staying at her house.

She turned around with an arm shield over her face. "You haven't slept yet? I told you not to wait up for me."

"I can't sleep."

"Why?" Lightning huffed and turned away, she didn't know why she would care for a stranger, let alone allow him to live with her.

Just a week ago, after she got back from Serah's wedding, she came accross a horrible car accident. Even though she'd quickly called for the ambulance, the mother didn't make it while the son, Hope, forgot everything except for his name. And she didn't hesitate to took the amnesiac boy under her care until they found his family.

"You don't look so good?" Hope approached Lightning and gently put a hand on her forehead.

"I'm fine," Lightning rolled over, avoiding contact with him, or anyone that remind her... remind her of Serah, and then she wouldn't be able to control her tears.

"I'm scared..." Hope slowly sat down near Lightning's back. "Everytime I closed my eyes, I see the bloody face of a woman looking at me sadly."

Lightning still held her position except for her head turning towards him, her eyes suddenly showed concern for the boy.

"When I woke up... I was all alone... I'm scared... I'm really scared..." Hope looked up at Lightning, his emerald eyes were bare, frightened and lonely. "Why can't I remember anything?"

"Hope..." Lightning's face was shaken for a second, she almost saw her own desperate eyes in Hope's.

"Don't worry..." She gently pulled Hope into a hug, her heart taking control instead of her mind. Lightning couldn't keep up her cold act any longer. She softly whispered to Hope as if she was speaking to her young self. "I'll be here. I'll keep you safe."

**xXx**

Lightning scowled as she put a stack of paper on the table and left her office. She decide to tell Hope the truth, even if it meant...

Lightning was so deep in her thought that she didn't realize people were looking her way. Her image in their eyes was that of someone who was dead serious and devoted to their job. Her beauty made every man desire, but they were all scared off by her determined, strong-willed appearance and cold eyes. She was a thorn rose that was only meant to admire, not to touch, lest being hurt. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but a harsh life had forced a delicate flower into a rough one in order to defend itself.

Every subordinate saluted her with pride as she walked by, although she rarely responded to them warmly like Amodar did. Lightning can show concern for her comrades' well-being, but she would never open her heart to anyone more than necessary. To them, she is a respectful leader, they would just have admiration for her and nothing more.

**xXx  
><strong>  
>Lightning froze before her door. How many time had she been afraid of her own home?<p>

"Hope?" Lightning scanned the house for any sign of him, but she was only greeted with silence, just like after Serah moved out, so silent that she could hear the echo of her breath.

She has always welcomed the silence, but right now it scared her.

Lightning jumped as a pair of hands shot out from nowhere to cover her eyes. She blamed herself for letting her guard down a moment ago.

"Guess who?"

His soft voice made her relax, Lightning let out a small laugh and stopped resisting.

"Hope!"

"No peeking," Hope's lips slightly curved up, he whispered quietly into her ear. "I have a surprise for you."

Lightning smiled at the thought of some silly pranks that Hope usully pulled up. She did as she was told, just nodded and let Hope grabbed her hand to lead the way.

"These are for you, Light. Open your eyes."

Lightning slowly opened her eyes to a very surprising sight. It was a day she would never forget...

"Light, do you know what day is today?" Hope's exciting voice rang in her head.

"It marks three months since the day we met!"

Lightining only shook her head and chuckled.

**xXx  
><strong>  
>"Hope, you need to hear this..."<p>

"I don't want too..."

"Hope!"

"I have a feeling that after hearing that, I won't be able to stay here anymore. Why? Isn't this better?"

"Hope, your father was really worried."

"I want to be by your side! Light! The one staying with me when I was lonely and scared was you, not him!"

"Hope..."

"Why? Don't you want me here? What did I do wrong? Please don't send me away!"

"Hope... He is your true family. We are...

We are only strangers whose paths crossed..."

"I'm just a stranger to you?"

"..."

**xXx  
><strong>  
>Lightning looked after the train. She'd said goodbye to Hope with a warm smile.<p>

_"You know, Light? Your smile is very beautiful."_

Hope had reunited with his father, and their family would live happily ever after. Never apart...

And her? How many times had she been forced to watch as the shadow of her loved ones slowly disappeared?

She was left alone in the empty station.

She wouldn't have to feel pain if she abandoned all emotions and move forward with her head held high, never looking back again... Lightning... her name... it flashes bright, then fades away... it can't protect, it only destroys...

She slowly walked away into the sunset.

**xXx**

Hope stared blankly at his phone then looked outside the windows. It's been almost a year since he reunited with his father... A year since he last saw that person...

"Hope! There you are!" a girl waved happily at him.

He's gone back to his normal school life, but his maturity made him stood out from his peers and earned him the undivided attention of all the girls.

"Hey, Cindy," Hope smiled a little at his classmate, who also happened to be his longtime neighbor.

"Hope! I heard that you got accepted straight to the universities! Congratulations!" his friend Cindy said non-stop "You're so cool! I'm proud that we're classmates and close neighbors. The girls are so jealous of me... And then... Just now... Tonight my dad..."

Hope only listened half-heartedly, his eyes still set on the phone, like he was studying his own hand.

"Hope! Are you even listening to me?" Cindy said angrily when she noticed the boy sitting with her didn't pay attention. She forcefully took the phone from him and finally knew what he was staring so affectionately at.

"Cindy! Give me back my phone!" Hope desperately tried to grab it.

"Only if you tell me who she is," she dangled the phone in front of his face.

"She's the one I've told you about," Hope scratched his head awkwardly. "She saved me last year."

"She's Lightning?" Cindy spatted out with disdain. She vaguely saw the whole story through his reaction. "You love her?"

"I..." Hope flushed a deep color. He didn't know if it was love or not, but everytime he watched her sleeping face in the picture he secretly took with his phone, a warm, fuzzy feeling just flooded his heart.

"Hope! You've lost your mind!" Cindy was fuming. Her yell has grabbed everyone's attention.

"Cindy!" Hope felf embarrassed with people's eyes on him. He tried to maked his blond friend realized, "We'll talk later. Everybody is staring."

"She's a grown woman," Cindy shook his shoulders, her eyes burnt with hope of making Hope forget Lightning. "A grown woman seven years your senior. You're only 18, just a kid to her!"

Hope's face fell for a second before he regained his composure. His determined eyes bore into Cindy's, "Despite that, I still love her."

"You two are impossible, Hope. Just forget her," there was pain in Cindy's eyes after realizing that his feeling was not meant for her. "I'm the one who suits you best. She's a stranger that you got to know in only three months while I grew up with you since we were kids. I can understand you much better. Think about it, Hope."

"I'm sorry Cindy," Hope sounded very sincere "I only see you as my sister."

The despair of being ultimately refused turned into burning anger, Cindy turned around and quickly punched something on Hope's phone.

"Cindy! What are you doing? Don't... " Hope panicked as he lunged over to get the phone back and watched in terror what has happened to his precious picture. Cindy has just deleted it along with memory of Lightning that he always held dear to his heart.

Hope was beyond furious, making the girl in front of him trembled with fear at this unseen sight.

Hope ran away quickly. He was very angry. He just wanted to get out of this hateful place. as soon as possible. He wanted to be with that person right now... the one who had pushed him out of her loving arms... He wanted to hate her but that only made his heart suffered. He wanted to forget but her look and her smile still reigned his thoughts.

Hope was running under the cold pouring rain, but the cold could do nothing against the hot tears running down his cheeks.

**xXx**

Hope waited impatiently in front of his house for the late postmant along with his awaited letter.

"Hope..." a voice called him from behind.

It was Cindy. Hope didn't bother to turn around or to respond. He's refused to face his neighbor for a few days now.

"I..." Cindy didn't dare to come any closer. "I... I'm sorry... for deleting your photo," she was apparently ashamed of her action. "Hope, please forgive me. I know my apologize can't make any difference... but I..."

"Cindy," Hope turned around to see a surprise look on her face. "Actually, I need to thank you for doing what you did."

Her jaw dropped at that. She could just stand there and stare at him scratching his head embarrassingly.

"I've been thinking about it... and came to a conclusion that I should act on my feelings instead of hanging on to memories..." Hope bored in Cindy's questioning eyes. "We live to make the impossible possible..."

"That's what she taught me," Hope looked up at the sky, remembering the same blue and crystal clear in Lightning's eyes.

"Lightning... what's she like?" Cindy slowly voiced her curious.

"Beautiful, strong, graceful, caring and always look after everyone..." Hope unknowingly smiled at his memories of her. "Although she's very stubborn, never admits her weakness or fear, and she doesn't know how to express herself very well."

"That's weird," Cindy giggled after hearing Hope's description of a grown woman. But his confident, mature eyes told her that he was serious with his feelings. She looked on as Hope rushed to greet the postman from afar, his face showed utter joy after reading his letter.

"University of Military Tech has accepted me!" Hope announced excitingly when he saw that Cindy hasn't left yet. "I have to tell my father."

"You really are going, aren't you?"

Hope smiled and nodded surely.

**xXx****  
><strong>  
>The wind is still blowing on the small hill, brings with it a cold that drapes on Lightning shoulders, making her shivers slightly. Maybe she should go back now.<p>

"Light!"

Lightning is surprised to hear the familiar voice. She turns around thinking she's dreaming. But she doesn't have to wait long to find out that it's not a dream. A pair of arms envelopes her in a warm embrace, the rhythm of the beating heart inside the chest where her head is currently held against, the ragged breath on her hair along with a soft whisper in her ear makes her heart melted.

"Light! I love you!"

_**THE END**_

_The first and last part take place in the present, while the other parts in between are in the past :)_


End file.
